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ME


Haiqal
Bboy-Haiqal
19dec1989
UNattached yet

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ouh well....
Sunday, September 28, 2008
din make it for code dge. was down wen the results was announce. at least i din get thru with the person who was crowned k.o. night champion. dat made me feel better. haha. so leepak at bugis.blah blah blah went home..

sometymes i wonder whether i din went in because others are way better den me or dat i wasnt gd enuf reali. being not gd enuf had been happening dis whole tyme since i started dancing. so wat if im a bboy. dat doesnt prove anything much. doing solo is reali scary. but den for me,i tink im nt gd enuf for anything yet. yeah. anything. im such an untalented guy. haiz. i can nvr do anything gd. n i dun tink i will be gd in anything. such negativity in my mind. but yeah. i hate myself. maybe i should quit wen im ahead. or maybe i should try harder. den again. if ur gd ur gd. if ur nt well ur nt.

im very sad abt a couple of things ryte nw. i wana cry too actuali. but dats hardly gona happen. cz im too immune to anything. shits been starting to happen ard me ever since last year. maybe dis is a part of growing up. if i could weigh my heart,it would weigh a ton on the negative emotions meter. cz dats hw heavy my heart is. im nt reali wanting to be recognise but i jz wana be noticed. in anything i do. be it dance,soccer,rock climb. or anything else. but at the emd of the dae im a gd for nothing.

ryte nw i have nothing to look forward to except for raya. well 50/50 its gona be same old same old for the ferst few daes. n i reali nid someone to reali talk to. someone whom im nt afraid to let out my feelings even though the fact im a guy. cz ryte nw. it seems dat im alone, very alone. n the feeling sucks every single morning i wake up n think abt it.

so dats hw it is for nw. i would reali love to alborate evrything i worte here but my livejournal is being such an ass n cant be log in. thx again to everyone who has wished me luck for the competition. but for nw. i gotta do some soul searching.

"just smile n u can overcome anything. dun start with me"

Chiong Ming Ah!!!!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
I'm at my wits end!!!!! tmr code edge solo competition!!!!! im so scared!!!!!!!

help!!!!!!!!




tolong!!!!!!!!!!!!!



chiong ming ah!!!!!








AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~~~~~~~~~~~~

Weird Dream
Monday, September 22, 2008
I had dis weird dream yesterdae nyte. so i jz wanted to share it in this blog. haha.

ok so i was walking with this family. the daughter of the family was lyke a lonely child. n it seems as though i have become her only companion. *this is gona be a short entry of the dream cz i cant reali remember it* so all of us was moving from places to places. den suddenly,we had a car accident. i was ok of course. den i saw her. with her blonde streaks on her brown hair,semi-curls,saddened eyes. she was so pitiful as she was injured. i ran to her checking whether she was ok. she saw me coming n held her ars high signaling me to carry her. i carried her. her face was buried close to my chest as though searching for a place of comfort. den she looked at me. n i said,"i've always wanted to carry a girl this way in this kind of situation" n smiled. she was the most angelic figure as her arms was around my neck holding tightly. n my heart was so full of i duno wat kind of feelings. but it was warm. the next thing i knew i was on my bed with my hp ringing with the cat sound.

yea. dats my dream. i find it kind of weird cz usually u dream abt something related to wat u do,say or tink b4 u sleep. n i certainly din talk abt any blonde chick. neither say abt any accident nor tink abt anything related to the dream. well if my guesses are correct,i tink im reali yearning for someone to be by my side. dats wat i tink. cz its kinda logical on my part. but yeah. in the dream,it felt so gd having a girl reaching out to u for help n cherish the moment she has with you. seriously. i went aww wen i tink abt dat dream. dis would be one of those few dreams i will nvr forget. blonde-streaks-on-her-brown-hair girl. if u do exists. reach to me baby. n she's caucasian btw. go figure...:)

=D
Thursday, September 18, 2008
The outing with the rockamates was great. haha. from our 1st generation to the present generation climbers were dere. haha. we had fun. see the big smiles on everyone faces?? haha. we went to geylang. blah blah balh. den went to the 2nd highest point of the singapore post. i tell u. the view was awesome. u could see the singapore flyer from dere. haha. had great fun. but its not very often u i get to meet them. n somemore my batch is kinda separated cz we have our own commitments. haha. but im looking forward to raya!!! kekekeke.

Hakim is safely back from India. had cheer prac jz nw. a bit of a drag cz my left thigh still painful. hahaha. gez these are some of the happy moments i need.

Ayul is in Pulau Tekong serving the nation.

Mastura is kinda tied up with her FYP.

Wawan i duno wat the hell he doing actuali. should be dancing.

Ryna vhere are you? i tink should be bz studying or "cabuting"

For me? im preparing myself for the 27th.*bite lips*


Picz of the geylang outing below. enjoy!!!




















Smiling Pasta
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
i wish i could have a taste of happiness of smiling pasta. haiz. ouh. haha. smiling pasta is a taiwan drama series dat i so stupidly funny yet touching at the same tyme. it revolves ard this superstar pop idol guy n a down to earth dumb girl who accidental bumped into each other and kissed. hahahha. all the antics in this story is so funny so touching. it touches on every issue one's life could possibly have be it the worst or the best experience. like a person's school life,their famil matters,past memories n mistakes n most of all hw love can bloom between two complete strangers. aww.....

but reali. as i watch the show gradually,i always wonder hw the director or script writer get their inspiration from. is it from real-life experiences or did they jz,u noe, let their imagination become too gd for them to create dis drama,dis fantasy. like the two love birds were in denial dat they love each other seems so real. are dere reali ppl who are in denial dat they love another person.

anyway,i've nt been up to anything. been at home. became a family man. n i jz got irritated by my little sister cz she hasnt done her hmwrk. wah. i was dreaming so happily n she had to come n say,"abg haiqal,hw to do this?" argh........~nvm abt dat. gez i use my free tyme nw to meet all the other frenz dat i had not been meeting for so long. haiz.

n i hate this emptiness inside of me. so lonely sia....n below is Chen Xiao Shi the female lead for smiling pasta. the dumb red head.

4E4-Best Class Any Devil Could Have.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
TWO INDIANS N THE SO-CALLED GAY

THE CHINESE GUYZ

THE MALAY GUYZ

THE MALAY GIRLS


GUYZ AND GIRLS UNITE



YEAH. The best class ever. i would say dat my secondary school life is the bes among all of my school experience. especially dis class of mine. we did the most impossible things in sch. whole class go to detention together. create a chemical explosion at the back of the class. put water on the teacher's chair. retaliate together to our dumb chemistry teacher. n so much more devilish things. haha. those moments. i would give a day jz to be baq den. n i feel like having a reunion. miss all of them. from the chinese sudents to the malay ppl to the two indian brothers. hahaha. n dun i look so young n innocent in the picture. hahaha. here's a link to my back then class 4e4 frenster.http://profiles.friendster.com/18359784. hahahaha. man,those were the daes. y dun all of u try remembering baq ursecondary school daes. be it bitter or sweet. secondary school life did changed all of our lives. haha. hmmmm. i cant imagine hw big n grown up everyone has become. n see the level of maturity from den till nw. ouh well. (yes yes im doing this for the sake of blogging. hahahah.)

Test Of Patience.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
This past weeks had been a test of patience for me. like shits had been happening here n dere. so many things to deal with.

abt my wallet. i took the courage to tell my parents dis morning cz i couldnt bear the guilt. n u noe wat my mum say? "i knew u were going to lose the wallet since u haven slept for duno hw many daes n having a lot of money with u". my dad even better,"i cant even scold u since its missing. wait for two daes if no one report it den go make police report. i cant believe u cannot handle a thing like a wallet. wah. it was kinda unexpected but still. i feel guilty. my mum even force me to go geylang jz nw with mt ite frenz cz i told them i cant come since i dun have anything with me. shit has to happen to me in dis month. haiz. Any soul out dere. if u do have my wallet check the i/c n go to the address to return it. pls.......

well the outing at geylang was gd. only a few came since the rest kinda uncontactable. i keep disturbing syakir n his new gf. lyke reali. a guy who i had known is not interested in girls suddenly got gf. den lyke very weird see him very manja2 with the gf. LOL. was reali great to meet the guys. we talked a lot. walked a lot. i even met my dearest bacin izza qonita who was waiting for her bestfren. haha. irritate the hell out of her. den i jz went baq home.



n our dear ayul andrika is going ns tmr. awww.... gona miss u man. except for the sakura punches n ayulan spikes. hahahahaha. next will be me i gez. haiz. National Service can be a drag u noe.

Where did i go wrong?
Friday, September 12, 2008
WHERE DID I GO FREAKING WRONG WITH MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

shits had been happening to me tyme n again.

n the worse thing for nw is dat i lost my precious wallet. n gez wat, deres 150 bucks inside which my father entrusted me to buy things. N i dun wana talk abt the rest of the things dats bothering me.

am i such a fucktard to deserve all this. am i such an insolence dat every obstacle in life have to come down to this.

I got a lecture from alep,fathu,masod followed by ayul the next mrning. same things. n they were ryte. watever it is. im a loser. face it. im nt appealing to the eyes. i have no sense of romance watsoever. i am so blind i cant see the obvious. n heck. watever i do im the one who at fault. every single thing i do.

nw i worried abt the money cz my father wun trust me anymore.

im worried abt my i/c cz its gona cost me a hundred bucks.

im worried abt my hea;h cz i have not been sleeping well.

im worried abt the words i use n the ppl in the future whom im gona be close with.

n most of all,im worried of myself cz i duno hw long more i can stand dis.

im a hairline away to giving up everything.

wat did i do to deserve dis~~~~

DOWN.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
When I really think about it. i'm never good enough. Yeah. I think i'm not good enough to join Code:Edge. Guess I will always be that little ugly duckling who is already UGLY yet still dream to soar up high to the sky. Haiz. I suck big time ppl. What am i going to do with myself. I don't dare to dream anymore...:(

Jz wat i needed.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
saturday's outing(6/9/08) was jz wat ineeded to get my mind off all the things dat had been happening.

woke up still in a bit of disappointment cz i thought abt the whole thing last nyte. figuring out how it could happen. yea. im sad wat. lyke even though its not the ferst tyme but den the feeling still sucky. so ya. wasn't reali in the mood. was suppose to go suntec dance to watch the finals. but everyone doesn't seem to reply my msg except for ryna. so i decided jz to go there alone. like i have always did.

den fathu called me and said whether i joining them or nt. at ferst i thought dey were going to suntec dance. but den it turns out they went arab street instead. no complains dere. suntec dance would be boring w/o anyone dere with me. so made my way to bugis. i was surprised dat mas's scumbags was dere. but as they say. the more the merrier. so we break fast at kampong glam cafe i tink. well dat period of tyme i was still bummed out n wasn't reali in the mood to talk n i forced myself to be normal. so it was a relief having all the company ard. den it rained heavily. haha. this was where the outing was such a great antidote for me.

so rain+bugis/town=nothing to do and nowhere to go. haha. so we move ard bugis. n we all practically had a lot of pit stop along the way. like everyone walking. den one person will stop n ask where we going. these went on a LOT of tymes. haha. even inside bugis junction. den mas was totally frustrated n we went to a corner to discuss on where to go. haha. everyone interupted mas. den sang dat trance song n everyone shuffle-d suddenly together. haha. so we decided to go to town. well~~~~~~ the pit stops din stop dere. haha. we had two pit stops. one at the entrance of bugis junction the other at a smoking area near seiyu. hahaha. so we went to town taking the rain(LIKE FINALLY!!)

reached town. so the ppl dat was left was me,fathu,mas,ayul,alep,bo,taufiq,sharazad,shery,azri. was outside wisma. den saw our climbers dear dewi shillah marlysha werking at wisma warehouse. said hi. went inside wisma waiting for mastura to come out the toilet. den she came out with this pinoy woman who talks abt hw malaysia's toilets was way cleaner den singapore's. maksud?! hahaha. den alep wen in. n we waited for him. laugh here n dere with alep ard. den we proceed to taka to take a chill pill. so sat ard n everyone was complainig abt hw bored t is. den duno who go plan go cineleisure watch dvd. lol. so all of us went dere.

reached cineleisure. got our dvd. dere was this grp of chinese hip hop ppl. i dislike them reali. ya ok i noe u are showing ppl the culture of hip hop. but u dun have to overdose it. i bet they were all from duno which studio where they learn from choreographers. so some of them were lyke moving to the beats of the music. i was like...man...ur showing the love of hip hop too much. aside from dat. we watched the eye. the jessica alba one. haha. azri sharazad n shery went off 1/4 of the way of the movie. the rest of us...........had a whole load of shock from dat movie. it was priceless looking at everyone facial expression. lol. i was a scaredy cat myself la. haha. had this booklet cover my eyes. the movie ended quite well. haha. here comes the best part of the dae. THE HOSTESSES ALEP N AYUL entertaining us. haha. cz we on the music using the PS3. den alep n ayul was dancing. alep especially. haha. we were all laughing lyke hell. n the funniest oart was this one tyme alep was dancing to a rock song i tink. we were laughing at him dat we din realize dat a chick walk past our room n looked at alep. alep realising dis suddenly stop n lyke saying hw come we nvr tell him. dat part all of us laugh like hell. tears came out sia wen i was laughing. haha. continued for awhile with the music n went off from dere.

den i remembered dat i had to call hakim who is in india. called him. everyone got to talk to him. kemboja who was yp where we drop by for awhile got to talk to him. blah blah blh. took the night rider home. yea. nw tyme to sahur. sui sui la gytuk. hahah. i jz love the dae. one of my better daes yet. n i forgot abt the whole "thing" in the midst of the fun. it reali proves to show dere are a lot more things to look forward to. haha.

any last words for "her"? haha. none. nw she got a new life to deal with. n lyke i always said,im will be nothing but jz a memory in dat girl's life. well i probably be ok after a few daes. cz im still bum out. haha. well got to go. i jz nid the pictures from mas to put on this post. haha. she'll be complaining on hw much photos she gotta upload....:)

Money.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Money had always been a thing for me. No money to go out. No money for this no mony for that. ppl jz say im a lazy _______ cz i nvr werk blah blah blah. n bcoz of money itself. well,ppl tend to avoid me. yea. they AVOID me. After wat happened dis past week,i duno wat else could be worse den this. im reali sad wen i found out. not abt the post below mind you. yea. cz i realize all this while watever i do,i will always be the odd one out no matter where i go. smpi hati krg.

Mixed Emotions.
Friday, September 05, 2008


well let's see. i made the correct move of nt putting on hope. ok i reali tink my situation nw is funnily stupid. haha. bcoz......its always funny wen "they" prove me right. every single tyme. haha. i was correct. she is nw with someone else. the meet-ups. those msn nick n personal msg teasing each other. kinda obvious. haha. gez it was lyke the last tyme. jz dat this tyme it hurts only a lil bit. yea a sting of course. haha. wat a life im having. like i said to a certain friend of mine who jz suffered a dating setback,"we have other things to look forward to". yeah. i have loads of things to look forward to. i got code edge to compete. i got loads of friends to meet next week. alep n ayul going of to ns next week. after all this tyme,i jz realise i will nvr get wat i need or want. cz i will always be the need and want for somebody. a life i had been living. this happens all the tyme. its sokay. love? hahaa. must be a joke to some of u ryte. cz it is for me...=]


"Those sudden msges i use to get,
That soothing voice i will not forget,
Whether im sleeping or on the net,
There always a smile to reply baq,

I took awhile for me to know what is on ur mind,
but nvr thought it will be what i've expected,
thought you were different cz u look so fine,
especially dat slogan on ur dull yellow shirt,

but as the saying had always been,
time and money had always been the thing,
i had less time to talk to u and at times no money to be seen,
i feel so empty actually y oh y am i so grim,

hope it would not be too obvious wat i have written,
cz things moves so fast yet so slow n happens for a reason,
this is not gdbye but jz a layback poem,
gez we're some sort of like friends cz i'll nvr ever desert 'em,"

I DID THIS MYSELF OKAY. cz the last tyme i wrote a cool poem ppl tag at my board asking where i got it. tk baik~ the poem at my archives. duno which one. haha. gez dats it. gdbye "miss independent". cz at the end of the dae it had always been a laughing matter to u.

I GIVE UP
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
I
GIVE
UP
BECAUSE
OF
ONE
IDIOTIC
SECONDARY
SCHOOL
CLASSMATE
OF
MINE
WHO
GAVE
ME
A
REALITY
CHECK.

Top 12


So here are my top 12 ppl in my life wth no paticular order. hahaha. who is "bestfren"? well the person will noe. haha.

1 2 3
4 5 6
7 8 9
10 11 12


1.Sheila Darlz
2.Diannah Lychee
3.Aidiruddin
4.Izza Darlz
5.Ayul Andika
6.Elroy
7.Mastura Anuar
8.Alepo Sanchez
9.Aidil Adli
10.Marella "Aisyah" Krista
11.Fathu "Phat" Rahman
12."BestFriend"

argh!
Monday, September 01, 2008
Must i put a sign on my forehead dat says,"im into you!"?

Or maybe ur jz not interested as u claim to be to the ppl out dere.

Or maybe ur post abt letting go was nothing but a fake.

Cz it seems someone is reaching out to you.

n bcoz of dat ur reminiszing the moments with him.

told u guyz once and am telling u again.

i suck at this game called ____.

watever happens for nw happens. hidup kene chill jek.

damn u girl. not gona put hope on dis one.

Miss Independent


Intro]
Yeah, yeah yeah,
Yeah, yeah yeah,
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

[Verse 1]
Ooh, is somethin' about,
Just somethin' about the way she move,
I can't figure it out,
Is somethin' about her,
(Say) Ooh, is somethin' about,
Kinda woman that want you but don't need you,
(Hey) I can't figure it out,
Is somethin' about her.

[Hook]
'Cause she walk like a boss,
Talk like a boss,
Manicure nails just sent the pedicure off,
She's fly effortlessly, (effortlessly)
An' she move like a boss,
Do what a boss,
Do, she got me thinkin' about gettin' involved, (involved)
That's the kinda girl I need, oh.

[Chorus]
She got her own thing,
That's why I love her,
Miss independent,
Won't you come and spend a little time,
She got her own thing,
That's why I love her,
Miss independent,
Ooh, the way me shine,
Miss independent, yeah.

Yeah, yeah yeah,
Yeah, yeah yeah,
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah. (ohh)

[Verse 2]
Ooh, there's somethin' about,
Kinda woman that can do for herself,
I look at her and it makes me proud,
There's somethin' about her,
Somethin', ooh, so sexy about,
Kinda woman that don't even need my help,
She said she got it, she got it, (she said she got it, she got it)
No doubt, there's something about her. (there's somethin' about her)

[Hook]
'Cause she work like a boss,
Play like a boss,
Car and the crib she 'bout to pay 'em both off, (both off)
And bills are payed on time, yeah,
She made for a boss,
Slowly boss,
Anythin' less she tellin' them to get lost, (get lost)
That's the girl that's on my mind.

[Chorus]
She got her own thing,
That's why I love her,
Miss independent,
Won't you come and spend a little time,
She got her own thing,
That's why I love her,
Miss independent,
Ooh, the way me shine,
Miss independent, yeay.

[Bridge]
(Mmhm) Her favorite thing to say,
Don't worry I got it, (mmhm)
And everything she got,
Best believe she bought it, (mmhm)
She gon' steal my heart,
Ain't no doubt about it, girl,
You're everything I need,
Said you're everything I need.

Yeah, yeah yeah,
Yeah yeah,
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

[Chorus]
She's got her own thing, (oooohoooohhhoh)
That's why I love her, (that's why I love her, oh ohh)
Miss independent, (independent)
Won't you come and spend a little time, (ohh)
She's got her own thing, (she got, she got)
That's why I love her, (that's why I love that girl)
Miss independent, (ohh ohh)
Ooh, the way me shine,
Miss independent.

Miss independent,
That's why I love her.
--------------------------------------------------
The song for the person i'm into i gez. Enjoy...:)