WeLcOmE To Da DiMeNSiON

Wat a week

Sunday, January 18, 2009

so this week was the start of my fire fighting training course. all i can say is,it's not as easy as it seems to be. n u gotta understand y fire fighters are receiving more pay. anyway,the week was a drag. full of physical training. learning abt hudrants n the fire truck.

but yesterdea nyte was my worst experience ever. n it was the finals of a dance competiton. wat happened to me yesterdae was the worst thing dat could ever happen to any dancers in the finals. i freak out on stage. like really freak out n made a fool of myself. cz y. ferst of all my music was damn fast n i nvr did get to practice with my music enough bcoz of ns. 2nd of all,the dj abruptly silent the starting part of the song n dats wen i freak out. n i just kept looking down as i was feeling so so embarassed. afetr dat i just took off from the event. n i noe ryna tried to hold me back. but it was too painful for me. a lot of dancers was dere. dancers dat noes i exist. dancers dat are way better den me. n i saw each of their faces looking at me. dat look. those pairs of eyes staring at me. everytyme i remember back dat awful moment,i feel smaller and smaller. i sat down by the road hating myself n everything. up till nw, all i can say is i made a fool out of myself. den i just took up the courage to go back dere. i walk with my face looking down. a lot of ppl came to me consoling saying i did great. but they should noe better. i kept shaking my head everytyme ppl say i did gd. i went backstage went to ryna n hug her. cz i really needed someone at dat point of tyme. n unfortunately i nvr did have anyone except for my lovely frenz. wen i hug ryna,dat was it. i broke down. i cant hold back the tears. i just cried in front of the finalist. a lot of ppl console me. luqman flairnation gave me a gd pep talk. the freekzy kids even console me. well,a whole lot of ppl console me.most of them did.the minority just said i shouldnt have dat kind of attitude on stage n my professionalism rate just fell cz it shows my personality as a person. but dammit. it din happen to u guys. wen i met the scumbagz outside,i cried even harder. as though i disappoint dat very much. but before the results was announced,dere was a freestyle session for each finalist. n i freestyled better den wat i did on dat very stage b4. i noe im should not care abt wat others say to me. but honestly,i tink every dancer out dere is looking down on me. n honestly i dun noe hw to pick myself up. dats y all this tyme i keep saying i nid moral support. like really. worst dance experience in my life. i duno hw im gona live with the shame.

maybe im done dancing. maybe. cz i nvr did able to do anything ryte.